Soulmate

A soulmate is a person with whom one feels a deep or natural affinity. This affinity may involve similarity, love romance, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility, and trust. The idea of soulmates is found in Judaism and Hinduism but was popularized in the 19th-century Theosophy religion and modern New Age philosophy.

Definition

In the modern day, soulmate typically refers to a romantic or platonic partner, implying an exclusive lifelong bond. It commonly holds the connotation of being the strongest bond that one can achieve with another person. People who believe in soulmates commonly accept that one will feel "complete" once they have found their soulmate, as it is partially in the perceived definition that two souls are meant to unite. The term soulmate first appeared in the English language in a letter by Samuel Taylor Coleridge in 1822.

Historical usage of the concept

Judaism

The term soulmate may have initially been borrowed from the 16th-century poem Yedid Nefesh. This poem became popular due to its customary weekly recital by traditional Jews during their final Shabbos/Shabbat meal, seudah shlishit, as a means of comfort during the day's waning moments. The poem opens as a declaration of love and connection to one's Creator, stating: "Yedid Nefesh, Av HaRachaman – My Soulmate, Father of Compassion." This poem was first published in Venice in 1588 in a book titled Sefer Charedim. Its composition is commonly attributed to that book's publisher, Rabbi Elazar ben Moshe Azikri (1533–1600). However–largely because this poem was missing from the original galleys containing Rabbi Azikri's own poems–others posit that it was composed by another of his contemporaries, Rabbi Israel ben Moses Najara and famed kabbalist Rabbi Moses ben Jacob Cordovero being the most commonly offered. Still others assert that this poem, and thereby this term, is far older, dating to the 11th century Rabbi Judah Halevi.

The Hebrew word Yedid, meaning close mate or dear friend, is first found in Deuteronomy, chapter 33, verse 12. The Hebrew word Nefesh, meaning soul, is first found in Genesis, chapter 2, verse 7. While this poem is known by its opening refrain, Yedid Nefesh/Soulmate, in the 18th-century prayer book of Rabbi Jacob Emden, he records its official title as: "Song of Awakening of the Soul-Toward the Love of Blessed Hashem (the Name)" (translation from his original Hebrew).

In Judaism, bashert means destined or intended. This term can refer to any destined incident and is particularly used for one's soulmate. According to the Talmud, it is said that forty days before a male child is formed, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he is going to marry–a match made in heaven. Jewish mysticism speaks of husband and wife as half-souls. It is also said that God takes the soul whose time has come to enter this world and separates it into two halves, placing one half in the male and one half in the female. And when these two halves meet again in matrimony, their original connection and love bond returns. Baal Shem Tov once said, "From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from that united being."

Mythology

Lilith and Eve

In Jewish folklore, it is said that Adam had a wife called Lilith created from the ground's dust, just as he was. But she remained with him only a short time because she insisted upon enjoying full equality with her husband. She derived her rights from their identical origin.

The woman destined to become the true companion of man, Eve, was taken from Adam's body, for only when like is joined unto like the union is indissoluble. The creation of woman from man was possible because Adam originally had two faces, which were separated at the birth of Eve.

Cain and Abel

It's a common belief that before mankind multiplied, each baby boy was born with his soulmate as his twin sister. Cain and Abel's soulmates were born with them, and Rachel and Leah were the soulmates of Jacob and Esau, respectively.

King Solomon's Daughter

A lesser-known tale centers on King Solomon, who knows one of his daughters is destined to marry a poor man. To prevent this from happening, he keeps her locked with servants in the tower of a palace deep within a forest. It is said that a bird of prey brought her soulmate to the tower, and they fell in love. The story ends with King Solomon realizing that the young man is a scholar, even though he isn’t rich.

Greek Mythology

It is said that humans were androgynous. In the Symposium, Plato has Aristophanes present the idea that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and one head made of two faces; Zeus split these creatures in half, leaving each torn creature to search for its missing counterpart. The severed humans were a miserable lot. Aristophanes says, "Each one longed for its other half, and so they would throw their arms about each other, weaving themselves together, wanting to grow together. Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole…and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him. When a person meets the half that is his very own, something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don’t want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment. These are people who finish out their lives together and still cannot say what it is they want from one another.”

Hinduism

Twin flames are observed in yogic teachings. Humans have seven energy centers, known as chakras, with the lowest being the sex center and the highest being the ‘‘samādhi’’, a state of deep meditation. According to philosopher Osho, two souls are bonded when the seven chakras of a man are in tune and harmony with all seven of a woman, creating a sense of completeness.

The story of a married couple Rāma and Sītā, told in the ancient mythological Indian epic Rāmāyaṇa, depicts the transformative power of love. Demon-king of Lanka, Rāvaṇa, abducts Sītā and keeps her locked within his palace for a year. When Rāma, with the help of his companion Hanumān, locates Sītā, he battles Rāvaṇa to reunite with his wife.

Theosophy

According to the esoteric religious movement Theosophy, whose claims were modified by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God." Over several reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse and return to the ultimate.

New Age

Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet define a soulmate as a separate entity with whom an individual has shared many lifetimes, whether as a friend, lover, co-worker, or partner. Typically, the individual is drawn to this entity to complete a specific mission. They describe a soulmate as one of many potential spiritual brothers or sisters: "Even though there may be a great attraction and bond between soulmates, fundamentally, in the ultimate sense, you could define it more as a brother/sister relationship, even though soulmates have great marriages and a great union of hearts." According to Mark Prophet: "A soulmate relationship has to do with the seat of the soul Chandra, that Chandra just above the base ... The connection is one of parallel and mutual evolution rather than origin."

Practices

Judaism

According to Judaism, all souls destined for the world stand before God in couples. When they arrive in the world, the blessed Holy One matches these couples who are half-souls or twin flames.

Prayer

It is believed that prayer from the heart helps find the ‘‘bashert’’. Eliezer prayed to God for help in finding a bride for Isaac. In another instance, Leah prayed for another soulmate, or different destiny, upon discovering that her current soulmate, who she was to marry, Esau, was a wicked man. Leah’s prayer was heard, and she married Jacob instead.

Praying at the tombs of renowned spiritual leaders regularly is also a common prayer practice. Reading the Old Testament book Song of Songs and specific Psalms (31, 32, 70, 72, and 124) for forty days is an ancient practice that has also been used as a method for one to find their ‘‘bashert’’.

Working on character traits (Middot)

Though Judaism believes in beshert (destined one), destiny is influenced by free choice. If one does not work on their character traits or leads a wicked life, they forfeit their beshert to someone more deserving. It is a common practice to work on one's middot.

Guarding one's eyes (Shmiras Eiynayim)

It is a practice amongst Orthodox Jews to avoid looking at things that trigger sexual thoughts or actions. In relation, it is argued that Joseph was deserving of marrying his bashert because he did not stare at her or fantasize about her.

Charity (Tzedakah)

It is encouraged to perform ‘‘tzedakah’’, meaning righteousness or charity work, to find one’s soulmate.

Criticism

Some psychologists state that believing that a soulmate exists specifically for a person is an unrealistic expectation.

Even though Judaism and Hinduism have sources about the existence of soulmates, some leaders think otherwise.

See also

• Astrological compatibility
• Interpersonal relationship
• Red thread of fate
• Romantic friendship